by Bart Banks
Every summer my old high school friends and I spent the first week of August at an adult camp in the Catskill Mountains. It was singles’ week, and all the eligibles of the tristate area of New York, Pennsylvania and Jersey flocked to the scene in the hopes that they would meet Mr. or Ms. Right. At least they could let their inhibitions down, have some fun and get relief from their lives of “quiet desperation.”
This one year Lennie, and I took a cabin way out on the edge of camp. For one thing, it was the cheapest, so we didn’t need a third roommate to fit it in the budget. Secondly, it was buried in a clump of trees on the edge of camp, so that should either one of us meet Ms. Right, we’d have a nice, quiet place to hang and hopefully “get lucky.”
As luck would have it, Lennie met Rho, a petite beauty whose classic, chiseled features and slender, sexy build were surpassed only by her remarkable sense of humor. What a wonderful week they had. They rode horses, went water skiing and spent breakfast and dinner together. At night they went to the shows and danced until the wee hours of the morning.
The last night arrived. Len suggested that they have a quiet dinner back at his cabin, just the two of them. He arranged with the kitchen to have a waiter bring a couple of steaks and a bottle to the cabin, and that day he purchased some candles at the gift shop so they could enjoy the ultimate in intimacy.
Rho arrived at 7 p.m. sharp. She looked deliciously delightful. He turned the radio on to the soft mood music of an oldies station. Everything was perfect. They began to eat. He was completely overcome with her, the dusk, the music … ambience supreme.
He spoke: “Sweetheart, I cannot think that your hair resembles the golden sunlight that warms my entire being. Your eyes are like limpid pools that match the blue of the sky, so tranquil, so reassuring. Your smile makes the room glisten and brings joy to my life and to all who are near to you.”
She responded: “Dear one, you bring me confidence in all we do together. Your physique assures me how secure I am when I’m with you. I adore your face, as handsome as any Grecian God. Your essence allows me to feel at deeper and deeper levels. We must commemorate this wonderful moment.”
“Darling,” he said, “I have brought some champagne, anticipating the celebration of the glory of us.”
He popped the cork and started to pour. She frowned. “But angel, that’s sparkling burgundy, not champagne.”
“What difference does it make, my pet?”
Slowly, sheepishly smiling, she whispered, “Oh, sparkling burgundy always makes me fart!”
“Bunky,” a.k.a. Bart Banks, 87, of the Banks & Banks Law Firm in Lafayette Hill, has tried murder cases, taken companies public, been a civil litigator and corporate lawyer. (And he has even done stand-up comedy.) He is married with four children and nine grandchildren. He has taught at local universities, lectured at seminars and made guest appearances on radio and TV shows. His articles have appeared in many local newspapers, and he has authored four books. This article is from one of them, “What I Learned After I Knew it All.”