by Perry Block

What’s the big deal about sex?

Why has it built and toppled empires, ruined the lives and careers of world figures from Adam and Eve to Anthony Weiner, and dominated the thoughts and actions of people throughout all of recorded time?

After all, it’s nothing more than a transitory, pleasurable experience in a relatively small part of the body.

Eating chocolate, on the other hand, produces a much more sustained period of pleasure which extends from your mouth and taste buds all the way down to your tummy!

Sometimes I wish chocolate was our primary motivating drive rather than sex. “Hey, Brad,” I said to my buddy, “how was your date last night? You eat chocolate with her?”

“What do you think, dude? Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, you name it. She even … umm … truffled me!”

Wow! Not every woman will do that.

“Seems like you’re eating chocolate with a lot of different women these days,” I said. “What’s your secret?”

“Once you get ‘em into your apartment, you put on the soft music, pour on the charm, then bring out the Godiva! Before you know it you’re on the Hershey Highway, and she’s loving those nuts!”

I had to admit I was jealous.

I hadn’t eaten chocolate with a woman in years. Frankly, I’d been spending a lot of time at home on a website featuring one super-hot redhead enjoying an entire Whitman’s Sampler!

The whole time I’m watching, of course, I’ll be frantically pounding down M&Ms.

Come on, don’t act so shocked! Like you haven’t done that, too.

Just about every guy I know wants to eat chocolate with as many attractive women as he can as often as he can. Kinsey and Masters and Johnson tell us that women love chocolate just as much as men do, but most women want to be in love with a guy before they’ll hop on his Mounds or eat his Almond Joy!

Oh, fudge it all!

Even in the chocolate world, men are from Mars and women are from Hershey’s.

Perry Block, 67, a local resident, has lived a life of which most others can only dream, although we don’t know who these “most others” might be. In his private life, Perry is the proud father of Brian Block, 28, and Brandon Block, 22. Perry has just published his first book, “Perry Block – Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute,” about the trials and travails of modern Baby Boomer life.