August 21, 2008 Issue                                       

©2007 The Chestnut Hill Local

Local Life

Upcoming CHCA events you’ll never read about again
by ROBERT FLES

According to our intrepid contributor, Robert Fles, Gov. Ed Rendell will soon be cutting the ribbon for new toll booths erected at every intersection along Germantown Avenue in Chestnut Hill. The good governor is seen here with Robyn John (from left), Dan Pulka and his Boston Terrier, Carter. We have it on good authority that all three (including Carter) were until recently in the Witness Protection Program, and the governor is now making sure that they have around-the-clock protection. (Photo by Jimmy J. Pack Jr., who has never been in the Witness Protection Program but has worked for FEMA under the Bush administration and, therefore, should be.)

Robert Fles is head of Upper School at Chestnut Hill Academy.

The Chestnut Hill Community Association announced today the eagerly anticipated line-up for its renowned “Great Issues of Our Times” series. As always, an impressive array of top-notch guests will speak out on matters of great moment to our community — indeed, to our nation — and challenge us to create a better future for ourselves and for our children and grandchildren.

•September: Our kick-off speaker and her topic will be of particular interest to community members still atwitter over the recent CHCA election controversy: Katherine Harris, former Secretary of State of Florida, who played a vital role in Florida’s propelling George W. Bush to the presidency, will speak on “Hang that chad: manipulating the outcome of an election without resorting to the actual burning or shredding of ballots.” (Program note: local pundit Ed Feldman has promised to make his usual contribution by babbling interminably in the background during Harris’s speech.)

•October: Sure to be a hit will be the effervescent Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins, whose topic will appeal most strongly to young people focused on getting ahead in life: “Displaying promptness and hustle: the two sure-fire ways to impress your boss and advance your career.” (Program note: Rollins’ talk will begin at 7:30 or as soon as he arrives.)

•November: Buy your tickets early for a talk by local celebrity and (currently unemployed) broadcast journalist Larry Mendte: “Peeking over shoulders: how to use modern technology safely to get the scoop on your friends and colleagues.” (Program note: Jesse Jackson will follow Mendte’s hands-on demonstration of e-mail manipulation with what he admits has been a technological challenge for him: finding the “off” switch on microphones before blathering. Rev. Jackson has promised to supply a snack of tasty nuts for the entire audience. During snack time, Alicia Lane and Dawn Stensland will offer personal viewpoints on Mendte and his e-methods.)

Olympic news you won’t read anywhere else
Olympic question: can a Philly guy defect to China?
by JIM HARRIS

Jim Harris gets about as excited watching men’s volleyball in the Olympics as he does watching a mechanic rotate his tires.

I’ve been up to my eyeballs in Olympics for the past two weeks. I think I may have set a few new world records for TV-watching. It’s time to reflect and report.

The opening ceremonies featured 15,000 Chinese men (and about three women) performing amazing feats of precise synchronization. President Bush, who was in the stands looking through the wrong end of his binoculars, was heard to remark, “Them Chinese is real tiny.” Like bees, they swarmed around in beautiful, undulating patterns. Then, as with one mind, they spelled out “Hello, World” in 14 languages.

It was all very impressive, and when they spelled out “Meet your new boss,” I immediately phoned the Chinese embassy, trying to defect. I figured I better get on board before all the good positions are taken. No one was there, but a recording came on saying, “We are not accepting defectors at this time, and we already have more than enough people to take over the world. If someone drops out and there is an opening, however, we will let you know. Thank you for your interest.” I left them a message telling them how easy I thought it would have been for those performers in the opening ceremony to have swarmed right up into the stands and run off with President Bush.

Parc your fishy appetites at Devon Seafood Grill
by LEN LEAR

Devon Seafood Grill has a stunning dining room with lots of rich mahogany woods.

While Parc, the newest Stephen Starr restaurant, has been getting lots of buzz lately — even a front-page article in the Philadelphia Inquirer, not exactly standard practice for a restaurant opening — there’s a much-lower-profile restaurant just a couple doors down from Parc on Rittenhouse Square that’s not exactly too shabby.

Devon Seafood Grill, 225 S. 18th St., between Walnut and Locust Streets, opened nine years ago in a building formerly occupied by Houlihan’s, and it has become one of center’s city’s most popular fooderies for Happy Hour frivolity, late-night dining and people-watching. The huge bar, which can seat 40, is usually packed between 5 and 7 p.m., in part because of the sharply reduced appetizer prices, e.g., calamari and tuna tartare, which normally sell for $10.95 and $11.50, respectively, are $6.50 each.

Columnist unhinged by hotel room door guard snafu
by MIKE TODD

Last weekend, my wife Kara and I invented an awesome, real-life brain teaser. If you’d like to play along at home and test your own cerebral power, you can set up our brain teaser for yourself in just a few short, unintelligent steps.