May 8, 2008 Issue                                       

©2007 The Chestnut Hill Local

Opinion

Bulldozed

Lets get one issue out of the way: Local developer Sanjiv Jain has done some remarkable work in Chestnut Hill. His portfolio of properties at the top of the hill house what are arguably the best group of new additions to Chestnut Hill in the last 10 years: Hideaway Music, the Coffee Company, ¡Cuba! and Bocelli to name just a few of Jain’s tenants are all terrific additions to the Hill. Jain has done a great job of bringing a diverse set of businesses here and he deserves recognition for it.

That said, Jain’s current quest to demolish 8524 Germantown Avenue to construct a new building and bring a café with a full bar that serves drinks to mothers while their children are tended elsewhere seems, at best, poor judgment.

This isn’t the first time Jain has had a tin ear for street-level opposition to his plans. Two years ago he had to give up on a restaurant plan that included late hours, a liquor license and entertainment. But that was only after a series of contentious meetings at which many who attended were opposed to late hours and entertainment and after it turned out that a list of people Jain said supported the proposal included the names of employees at neighboring businesses, not the business owners.

(It’s worth noting that the Land Use Planning and Zoning Committee approved his plan with provisos restricting his hours of operation. He abandoned that plan later and filled the space with Penzey’s Spices.)

Now he is pushing for a construction that cannot but change the character of the 8500 block. It’s a type of teardown and rebuild without recent precedent. While several newer structures have been razed and rebuilt (Commerce Bank the most recent), the row shops along the Avenue have gone unchanged for nearly 50 years.

But even more curious than Jain’s pursuit of variances to raze and rebuild the property is the approval of the Land Use Planning and Zoning Committee. Not only did the committee support the use, but also the concept of razing and rebuilding the property. This is out of character for the LUPZ.

Even if there were no logical problems with the café plan from a planning or business point of view, it’s hard to believe that the same committee that often scrutinizes proposals for single-car driveways, fences and deck re-dos would so placidly approve a proposal so dramatic by Chestnut Hill standards.

LUPZ member Larry McEwan rightly complained that plans for the café remained unclear, even though the proposal has been in the works since last October. Why give the plan any level of approval?

Other businesses that have tried to locate in the 8500 block and met resistance have been ruled problematic for everything from insufficient parking to façade design. When Kinkos was turned down for that block several years ago, a major issue in the LUPZ’s refusal was the prospect of windows lined with copy machines. Copy machines aren’t acceptable but a demolition is?

It’s hard to tell why this plan is bulldozing through the normal set of neighborhood barriers. Particularly when it appears obvious that the proposed use is too big for the existing building. 

If a property is too small for a proposed business, common sense would seem to dictate that the proposal should find a new location.You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. Or can you?

Pete Mazzaccaro

So long chumps, I’m taking my Nigerian 419 money and hitting the road
by HUGH GILMORE

I’m not saying goodbye just yet, not exactly, because some details of my new venture haven’t been finalized. But if this baby turns out like I hope, it’s “Sayonara, Chestnut Hill, Hello Happiness!” I’ll leave the area at once and go live with the rich.

I hope that doesn’t sound snotty because I hope to retain the common touch, despite the great fortune I’ll soon have — as soon as my new business partner, K.W., transfers money to my onshore account.

I can’t say exactly how many millions I’m expecting. I think K.W. isn’t even sure, mostly because the international currency exchange rates vary so darned much. In another week though, I’ll probably be able to absorb all the “wobble” the markets can dish out.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed writing for the Local. But, as you probably guessed, I have the usual inferiority complex common to newspaper columnists — jealousy, at never having made “real” money. Soon I can afford to hire someone smart to write my column for me. I’ll keep the byline, of course.

Until about a month ago, I had believed that my modestly-abject lifestyle would always  be limited by the amount of income I generated. What a chump.

OK, I know you want some specifics. I’ll start by admitting what everyone is thinking: Yes, I am lucky. Very lucky. Whew! Luckier than I ever imagined I’d ever be. But, hey, before we competely ascribe my good luck to luck, and luck alone, I will say there was some skill involved too. Well, OK, not skill exactly, but perseverance, preparedness, and perspicacity, the “3 Ps.”

I was at the computer, putting in my hours, long and lonely bouts of time where it’s just me against the world — me trying to make sense of it all, the world hurling its confoundments at me left and right.

 Then one day an e-mail appeared from Patrick K.W. Chan, Executive Director and Chief Financial Officer of the Hang Seng Bank Limited, Hong Kong. My mail server, Yahoo, said it was “Junk,” but I said, “Whoa, I’ll be the judge of that.”

I know you’re not supposed to open these things, but sometimes … Don’t you get the feeling people just say that to keep you from getting ahead? I opened it. Thus began a beautiful (and soon, lucrative) friendship.

Mr. Chan … Patrick … well, K.W. to me now — he calls me Gil — wrote to tell me he had a client at the bank who died with a big sum of money on deposit. And get this: the guy had no named next of kin and the expiration date for when the funds get turned over to the state is coming up.

Who was the guy? I shouldn’t be a blabbermouth but, OK, I’ve gone this far I might as well confide a few more details. The guy was an Iraqi businessman and military figure, Colonel Hosam Hassan. A bomb hit his house. Took out him and all his known relatives.

How much money? 30,000,000 U.S. dollars. Enough to get your attention? It got mine. 30 Mil is serious money. That’s basketball player money.

OK, so I’m in. K.W. says, and I agree, why should it go to the city of Hong Kong? He can’t stand that thought. Me neither. So, what he’s going to do is draw up next of kin papers and I’ll sign them and present myself as the late departed Colonel Hassan’s last living relative, “Hughy Hassan.” K. W. says he’ll draw it up so it’s all legal. OK, I said, just so’s it’s all legal. K. W. wants to split, Him 60, Me 40, which sounds fair, but I’m going to try to tweak him a little anyway. Otherwise he won’t respect me.

We’ve got to work quick though. I Googled “Hosam Hassan” and found out that one of K. W.’s co-workers at Hang Seng bank, Peter P. C. Lee, is trying to swing the deal for himself (but only offering 65/30 with 5 percent for “expenses” (har har har). And then, as if that wasn’t pressure enough for K. W. and me, some yo-yo named Joseph Poon (from the same bank!) is trying to fool people with a similar next-of-kin offer for a, get this: “Colonel Muhannad al-Hakim,” for $44,500,000 — an obviously phoney, trumped-up name and number.

The one that’s really got me and K. W. rattled, though, is Dr. Walter Lorna from the Taikoo Shing Branch of the London Bank Ltd. He too is offering 30 million for Colonel Hassan’s next of kin to step forward at his branch. Whoever does the Taikoo deal might go for a bifecta and run over to Hong Kong and try to take my inheritance while they’re at it. 

OK, I’ll admit it. I don’t sleep that well at night lately, not like I did when all I wanted from life was to be a book columnist for the Chestnut Hill Local. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

Besides, if this thing with K. W. doesn’t work out, I’ve been opening a lot of e-mails lately that I’d previously closed my eyes to. How about these, huh? Rowland Taylor of the Natwest Bank, London, is offering a Mr. John Yamnicky’s $30,000,000 to someone who will show a little gumption and step forward as next of kin. His terms: 60/40.

Ibrahima Ahmed of the African Development Bank in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, is offering Mr. Lech Phillip’s $15,800,000 for a next of kin claimer. Just starter money, I know, especially at the usual 60/40, but it could pay a .250 baseball hitter’s salary for a year. Or buy most of the things offered in an issue of Chestnut Hill Lifestyle magazine. There are other offers out there. Johannesburg, Sierra Leone, Nigeria, to name a few, but, frankly, some of them sound fishy — and I’m not biting. So … maybe you’ll see me again, maybe you won’t. Don’t worry, I won’t let the swinging door hit me on the way out. I’ll be paying someone to hold it for me.

All names used currently available by Googling. Hugh is reachable at hughmore@yahoo.com.

Opinion: 9 challenges for Councilwoman Miller

The following is a copy of a letter sent to 8th District Councilwoman Donna Reed Miller by Chris Robinson and Northwest Greens, an activist group based in Northwest Philadelphia. This note was signed by 69 residents of Northwest Philadelphia.

Northwest Greens would like to assist City Councilwoman Donna Reed Miller, who was re-elected in November 2007. Since Northwest Greens is a non-partisan, neighborhood organization that has never endorsed a candidate for any office, we felt obliged to offer our Councilwoman some challenges for her current term.

The 69 initial Challengers of the Councilwoman believe that her dynamic response to these nine challenges will improve the quality of life in the 8th District.   

 Any neighbor who would like to become a Challenger of Councilwoman Miller may contact 215-843-4256 or nwgreens@yahoo.com.

9 CHALLENGES:

1) Require through appropriate legislation that the Philadelphia School Reform Commission provide “opt out” forms to every high school junior and senior so those students may withhold their contact information from military recruiters.

2) Use your position as chair of City Council’s Public Safety Committee to hold hearings and to prepare legislation for a city-wide ban on handguns, as they have in Washington, DC.

3) Insist through appropriate legislation that the Philadelphia Water Department clean up the Monoshone Creek, which currently transports toilet flushing into our drinking water.

4) Require through appropriate legislation that decisions of the Department of Licenses and Inspections (L&I) and of the Zoning Board of Adjustment be available on the Web.

5) Bring single-stream recycling through RecycleBank to the entire 8th Council District.

6) Open an office in the 8th District with full time staff.

7) Host and attend monthly town meetings in the 8th Council District.

8) Publish in the local press a quarterly financial audit of your City Council office and campaign finances.

9) Insist on a performance audit of the Central Germantown Council covering the last 20 years.