October 19, 2006 Issue                                       

Click Here

©2006 The Chestnut Hill Local

Hill resident: ‘The things I learned from my dad’
by CASSANDRA SLAVEN

This photo with Cassandra, her twin sister, Missy, and brother, Sean Thomas Slaven, was taken in West Virginia a couple of months after his birth, approximately in June, 1972. He was born in April of 1972. Today Sean lives in Raleigh, North Carolina. He is a technical consultant and a screenplay writer. He is single and has no children other than his English bulldog, Oxford.

My father, Thomas Leonard Slaven, like many baby boomers growing up in the 1950s, did what he thought he was supposed to do: he went to school, joined the Air Force, got married, was apprenticed to a carpenter, became a carpenter himself, and, together with my mother, raised three children.

My father joined the Air Force in 1964 and was out in the fall of ’68. He decided not to re-enlist because my identical twin sister and I were getting ready to be born in February of 1969. My father always told stories of how he was relieved that there was just two of us because sonograms were not around yet. Therefore, doctors made certain determinations by heartbeats, and the doctors told my parents they heard at least two heartbeats, so my parents were prepared for triplets! My full name is Cassandra Lyn Slaven (they nicknamed me Cassy), and my sister’s full name is Melissa Ann Slaven (nickname is Missy, married name Warren).

My dad was stationed at a couple of bases in Germany, and I am probably going to get the first spelling wrong, but it was something like Spangdalem, and the other one was Bitburg. When he came back to the states, he and my mother were married while he was on leave; then he was stationed at McConnell Air Force Base in Wichita, Kansas.

He did not actually go to Vietnam, but had he stayed in, he was sure he would have. He was an aircraft mechanic crew chief and serviced the aircrafts that flew into Vietnam. He was always so proud of that. Now that I am 37 years old, and because I look just like my father, which means I see him every morning when I look in the mirror, I think back more on what I have learned from him. Though my dad did not go to college and had only a high school education, and we did not always see eye-to-eye, he taught me some valuable lessons that have shaped who I am and who I will continue to be.

This photo was taken in February, 1969, shortly after the birth of Cassandra and her twin sister, who is now Melissa Ann Warren. Today Melissa is married, has no children and lives in Nashville, Tennessee, where she is in corporate marketing and freelance writing.

There are things both he and my mother taught me that are essential to character development and survival, like looking both ways before crossing the street, respecting one’s elders, getting homework done, eating vegetables, brushing teeth before bedtime, feeding the dog, etc., but the things he taught me that have shaped me most are the things he didn’t even know he was teaching me — things I did not realize until now:

•Dirt always washes off, so don’t be afraid to jump in and get your hands dirty. You will feel like you have accomplished something, and you will sleep better at night.

•Just because you are quiet and shy does not mean you do not have anything worth saying.

•Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson were cool even before they were cool.

•Odie was a cut above Garfield and that sometimes its OK to be the underdog. More people cheer for the underdog.

•Over-done pancakes on lazy Sunday mornings are great if you put enough syrup on them.

•Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood except for Winnie-the-Pooh misunderstood Eeyore, but at least he had one on his side and that is more than some have.

•Grieve when those you love die. I only saw my father cry one time, and it was the day he got the call that his father had passed away.

•I learned that girls could do what boys can do when my dad taught me how to solder wires together to fix my stereo equipment. My girlfriends at school thought that was grimy and dirty, but I didn’t care. I would not be limited by my gender.

•Through him I observed that good people sometimes make bad choices, but we shouldn’t throw them away; forgiveness is hard but necessary to move on.

•I also noticed that people enjoyed his company and enjoyed his uniqueness when I found him annoying and odd. I learned that what some find bothersome and foolish, others find educational and absorbing.

•My father was bald at a young age and had a unibrow, and he was proud of both! He never seemed to care what other people thought about his looks. I admire that about him and try every day to follow his example.

•He was sometimes annoyed but inwardly amused when my sister would draw little people on his toes when he fell asleep in his recliner. He could laugh at himself when no one was watching.

•An unconventional childhood builds character, strength and independence, and these are things that cannot be purchased with money or obtained easily.

The last lesson I learned from my father was what not to do, which was something he actually did himself, and that was smoke cigarettes. My father died two years ago at the ripe young age of 58 from complications related to cancer of the esophagus, caused by smoking. He began smoking at a young age, I think 14 or 15, and he did actually quit smoking once for about three to four years in his late 40s, but when he and my mother were going through their divorce, I think the stress got to him, and he started back again.

My parents were married in March, 1968, near Charleston, West Virginia. My mother’s name at that time was Elizabeth Diane Burdette. My dad’s full name was Thomas Leonard Slaven. My mother was just shy of her 20th birthday, and my father was 22. My mom is now 58. My parents divorced in 1993 or 1994, after my sister and brother and I were all grown and out of the house. My mother remarried, and she and my stepfather currently live in Florida. She never smoked, and neither have my brother, sister or myself.

Unfortunately, my dad can’t teach me anything else now, but when I look in the mirror every morning and see him staring back at me, I remember the things he did teach me, and I am thankful. He is truly missed.

Cassandra Slaven moved from Raleigh, North Carolina, to Philadelphia in March of 1996 because the company she was working for at the time transferred her here. She has lived in Chestnut Hill for nearly eight years and graduated from Chestnut Hill College this past May. She is now a programmer analyst for a global chemical manufacturing company headquarted in center city. She does not have a family of her own, except for her Siamese cat, Kwinn, and Russian Blue cat, Katarina!