January 5, 2006 Issue                                               

©2005 The Chestnut Hill Local

Just one New Year’s resolution: love your kids more
by PAULA M. RILEY

I’ve never had great success in setting New Year’s resolutions. Like so many others, I made resolutions knowing there wasn’t a chance of achieving them.

Paula Riley of Chestnut Hill and her son, Kevin, have a special reason to be thankful in the new year.

Over the years, my resolutions ranged from the very easy (call my mother-in-law every Sunday) to those I’ve never quite accomplished (lose 20 pounds by Valentine’s Day). I employed many tactics — posting them on the fridge, sharing them with my spouse or setting them early. None of these methods proved successful.

As a result, I’ve essentially stopped making New Year’s resolutions. I’ve watched the ball drop almost every year, but I can’t remember the last time I made a resolution at the New Year.

It wasn’t until last week when my one-year old son, Kevin, was admitted to Abington Hospital with pneumonia that I considered setting any resolutions. It’s amazing what flies through your mind as ER professionals desperately try to control your child’s breathing. I stood frozen and stared at my little boy. I didn’t pray or start negotiating with God, as I had done in the past. All that ran through my mind was, “Do I love him enough?”

I’ve never been a big fan of the “L” word. “Love” seems to be the most misused word in the English language, but when I use it in reference to my son, it encompasses so much; caring for him, showing him affection, making him a priority in my life, appreciating his uniqueness, supporting his independence. As my husband held him down when they placed the IV in his tiny hand, thoughts were racing through my mind as fast as his heart was beating; is he really my priority? Do I welcome his uniqueness? Am I aware of his needs? Do I love enough?

Answers to these questions never come easy, although these and so many other inquiries danced in my thoughts during the course of his three-day hospital stay. Long hours holding him and endless moments standing near his crib accompanied by rhythmic noises from his oxygen tanks offered many hours for reflection. I don’t remember when it happened, but as we walked out of the hospital just in time for Christmas, my first resolution in many years was upon me.

This is the only resolution I will make this year, and it’s one I plan to make every day of every year. I resolve to keep asking myself, “Am I loving my kids enough?”

As the mother of a preschooler and toddler, I realize now that I have little understanding of what it truly means to love your kids. I have no clue what it will mean in five years, much less 25 years. My children, healthy or ill, are gifts. Gifts I must cherish; must make my priority and must remain committed to day in and day out.

Most of my other resolutions haven’t lasted past February, but I will keep this one. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to wiping runny noses or changing diapers. In the years ahead, I am not sure if I’ll pick a kid’s softball game over an important business meeting, and who knows if I’ll have the patience needed for that math homework assignment?

What I do know, though, is that this is my New Year’s resolution; I resolve to keep asking myself, to keep challenging my actions and keep working hard to love my kids enough. What is enough? Only the years ahead will tell.