August 12, 2004 Issue                                       

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©2006 The Chestnut Hill Local

‘Things I Hate’ a very funny new reality show

The Bravo network is easily the network with the best reality television programming. Not only do Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Blow Out make their home on the NBC-owned cable network, but now they’re airing another reality TV show that is sure to be must-see TV for anyone in a relationship.

Things I Hate About You is what happens when you combine Big Brother 5 (with a cast of two) with The Price is Right. It’s hosted by The Daily Show’s Mo Rocca (who is also the “star” of the Mr. Goodwrench commercials). Things subjects married couples to the scrutinization of two comedians and a relationship advisor.

What happens in the show is that the partners will reveal to the “panel” three things about their mates that drive them absolutely up a wall. A camera crew follows each couple around for a few weeks to collect the evidence. Then, the panel votes (a la The Gong Show — a scale of 1-10) whether or not the actions of the mate are as bad as we’re told. The person who earns the most points loses the game and is subjected to a punishment chosen by the love of his/her life.

In a recent episode, cameras followed around a Stamford, Connecticut couple named Melissa and Don. Melissa’s three gripes about her husband: he’s a backseat driver; he speaks a type of boy-man baby talk that Don has named “Dodo;” and he is a sports fanatic.

Don’s complaints: Melissa is a motor-mouth who never lets him get more than 600 words in a dinner conversation (to her 5,000, and yes, they counted); she nags about his eating habits; and she’s a control freak.

As each complaint is lodged, cameras capture the annoying behavior, and it’s hard not to laugh as you watch Don ignore his parents for an entire Sunday while watching football. His seats change, but his eyes stay glued to the tube.

Don’s baby-talk, we see, is far from annoying. It’s used sparingly, and it’s funny. Even Melissa laughs at times. Besides, who doesn’t know a guy who talks to a dog as if it were his own baby offspring?

But it’s Don’s eating that destroys Melissa’s case. He doesn’t crunch or even talk with his mouth full. It’s clear her control issue is some form of obsessive/compulsive behavior. She can’t have the spices in a cabinet unless every tiny jar is facing with its label forward. When Don takes off his t-shirt and puts it on their bed, in a matter of minutes Melissa shows up folding the t-shirt and placing it on Don’s pillow.

In the end, the panel gives Melissa the majority of points, and her punishment borders on the absurd. It was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.

Melissa was forced to sit at their kitchen table surrounded by speakers. A microphone was placed in front of Don as he sat in at the opposite end of the table with bowls of carrots, cereal and soup. You can guess where this goes. He enjoys every loud crunch and slurp. Maybe now she’ll see Don’s eating is far from an annoyance.

Tube into Things I Hate About You on Bravo, Tuesday nights at 9 p.m. or Sundays at 7 p.m.