by Judy Sloss

Gun violence is on the forefront of our minds these days. On a Sunday evening a few weeks ago, this issue was underscored for me when I learned that my friend’s son, who had recently turned 21, had been killed earlier that very morning, execution-style, in Mount Airy.

Her son had just finished volunteering at a political event and was outside, talking with a candidate and offering to volunteer further at a primary polling location, when he was shot. Her son was a vibrant part of a loving and hardworking family. The shooter, however, who still remains unknown, may not share that type of background.

Newspaper articles, TV news stories and political commentary focus daily on our country’s epidemic of gun violence and how to stop it. Some potential solutions include more thorough background checks, closer monitoring of individuals who are “prohibited” from possessing firearms, stricter law enforcement and sentencing, and putting an end to the drug-related violence, of which guns play a huge part.

I think that there is one more critical area, however, in which we need to look for a solution for gun violence– a place I hear talked about over and over in after-incident interviews with neighbors, friends and family. That place is … parents.

Background checks may be helpful – but, a person doesn’t have a background until after they have committed a crime. Background checks may not prevent that first crime from being committed. Law enforcement can apply the most stringent laws imaginable and ramp up patrols in crime-heavy areas. But, our law enforcement officers are not psychic. An officer cannot possibly know where crime is about to be committed every minute of every day.

Stricter sentencing is not likely to deter gun violence either. Lengthier sentences send the perpetrators to prison, otherwise known as “Crime University,” where many just get better at their criminal behavior and hope to not get caught the next time. As for the drug trade – guns are just a tool in that world. Young adults need to make their own choice to not get involved with that world.

It is our job as parents to take more responsibility in molding our children into responsible adults – and that process starts at birth. Children are not born knowing the difference between what is right and wrong or how to make good choices. We have to teach them these things every day. Providing the fundamentals of housing, clothing, and food is hard enough these days. And, for a single parent, it is doubly difficult.

Parenting, however, is a full-time job, and like any job, we can do it well or we can do it poorly. But, unlike any 9 to 5 gig, if we do it poorly, we don’t get fired – the consequences are a lot worse, and they include lifelong heartbreak. So, as parents we need to stop making excuses for bad behavior and start teaching our children to respect others and respect themselves.

We need to teach them what kindness is and how rewarding it can feel. We need to teach them that laws were put in place for a reason and they need to be followed – both inside and outside of the home. It is our responsibility to know who our children’s friends are and whether or not those friends hold the same values as the values that we have worked so hard to instill in our children.

We need to help our children see their strengths and actively involve ourselves in growing those strengths. Furthermore, we need to honestly and firmly, but also sensitively, point out their weaknesses so that we can help them overcome their shortcomings.

We must help our child get past the bullies of their world; help them realize that not everybody is going to like them, and that they are not going to like everybody. That’s life. We need to teach our children to think for themselves and make their own thoughtful decisions before doing something just because someone said they should. We need to make our children talk to us – even if they don’t want to – everyday – and not just when we pass each other in the kitchen. We need to know their dreams, their fears, their challenges. Life lessons and values can be reinforced by teachers, religious and community leaders, and law enforcement mentors – but, those values and lessons start at home.

It may be too late to affect the current crop of gun-wielding criminals, but it’s not too late to prevent a new generation from emerging. And, even if we have done our job well and our child decides to throw some of those lessons out of the window once they are on their own, I hope that we made a enough of an impact and gave our child the tools necessary to be successful, safe, and happy, people who make smart decisions.

Judy Sloss lives and writes in Glenside.